Lyke omg!
by mental hopsital escapee
Summary: Chapter 3 The Epilogue. More Sues and Stus to stab...er, love! for Never Was and Never Will Be
1. Chapter 1

Finally! My second mockfic!

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One day, Zuko and his uncle were walking through the ever-present forest. Iroh was, as usual, drinking his plot-hole tea. He was very happy.

Zuko was sad, very sad, angsting over how alone he felt and how sad and weak he was and all that crap. You see, his tragic past has not made him strong, as he himself even said so, it has made him weak, and in need of a sparkly princess to melt the ice surrounding his heart.

And none of that made any sense at all.

Iroh didn't even notice how depressed Zuko was, as all he ever cared about was his tea.

It was right about then when they both heard a cry coming from the woods. "I'm going to see what that was," Zuko said suddenly and went off. Iroh didn't even know he left, he was too busy staring at his tea with a cheesy smile plastered on his face.

Zuko went into the woods, where, out of nowhere, appeared a vile fiend, that is, lovely and gorgeous girl.

Now I shall describe every detail of her perfect features in a huge block paragraph of one run-on sentence designed to hurt your brain, since you care so much!

Lyke omg she was lyke soooo beautiful she had long blond hair a color we know is quite common in the Avatar universe cascading to the floor in soft waves with rainbowcolored totally natural highlights and despite its length she manages to keep it lovely perfect pure and pretty and her eyes were blue ringed with purple in an alien-like I mean pretty way her skin was white perfect pale and her bangs softly framed her features in a delicate feathersoft way and she had a strange marking on her forehead which will eventually be revealed to mean that she is way more powerful than the avatar and has dark mysteries shrouding her past and she wore a lovely green and blue and red dress that moved like water when she moved and dragons flocked to her side and all those other damned cliches and unrealistic characteritics that compose the hell-spawned Mary Sues.

I know, your minds are killing you right now.

Zuko fell instantly in love with the girl, who also was hurt terribly and exhausted. 'Lyke omg lyke wut hapend 2 u! lyke wat is ur name?' Zuko asked, at the same time causing English language fans (LOSERS!) to run screaming in utter terror.

The girl stood up, despiet her life-threteaning injureis. "my naem is Princess Diamond Crystal Amethyst Rose Lilac Ruby Ocean." she anuonced. My, arent ther so maney misepelled words! But insted of doing spelcheck, Ima just leeve them like this cuz I hav absoultey no repsect 4 the english langauge. "I have had a very tragic past but shall not tell you my story as I do not feel you can be trusted and to create angst," continued Princess Diamond Crystal Amethyst Rose Lilac Ruby Ocean.

"I see," said Zuko calmly. "Now I feel that you must travel with my uncle and me, as I instantly trust you."

"Okay," said the Princess Diamond Crystal Amethyst...lets just call her the Princess. "What happened to your face?' she asked, indicating the burn on Zuko's face.

The entirely in character Zuko sniffed, and a tear fell down his cheek. "You see, my father burned me..." he went on to give the Princess every detail of his life, because he trusts her with everything even though he barely met her and has no idea who she is. "So, now, I'm all alone," Zuko ended miserably, obviously forgetting his uncle's existence.

The Princess sighed sadly and hugged Zuko. "Oh, Zuko," she said dramatically, "You don't have to be alone anymore. I will be your friend." With this cheesy line, she kissed his cheek.

Zuko did not shoot a fireblast at her, he did not get angry, nothing. Apparently he likes telling his life story to strangers and having them hug him and offer to be bestest friends for life. Because, really, that is exactly the type of person his character is. Zuko's such a people person.

So, he returned with the Princess to camp, where Iroh was singing some random stupid song praising, what else, tea.

"Uncle," Zuko called.

Iroh continued singing.

"Uncle Iroh!" Zuko shouted, louder.

Iroh stopped singing, but only to drink his tea. "I love you, tea," he whispered happily as he gazed lovingly at the teacup.

The disrespectful Zuko punched his aged uncle, screaming,"Pay attention!" At last Iroh turned.

"Why, nephew!" he said gleefully. "Would you like some tea?"

Zuko was livid with rage. "GODDAMNIT, NO!" he shouted. "FUCK YOUR TEA!" My, Zuko is quite the guttermouth. Then again, he always was.

Iroh saw the Princess standing next to Zuko. "Well, hello, my dear!" He gave a sunny smile. "I think you should join my nephew and I on our hunt for the Avatar, even though under normal circumstances I wouldn't think so!"

Zuko smiled happily. "Yay!" he said in a very OOC manner. "I'm so happy you are with us, Princess Diamond Crystal Amethyst Rose Lilac Ruby Ocean!" He threw his arms around her in an embrace. "I love you so much, although I have only known you for about 5 minutes," he whispered to her.

She threw his arms off. "I do not love you! You're a jerk!" she screeched suddenly. Obviously, this girl had bipolar disorder. Just like Katara. 

"Why not?" Zuko was confused.

"To create angst, and also because if we fight it will not make me a Sue!" explained the Princess. Of course. If Zuko and the girl do not get along at first, she isn't a Mary Sue; everyone knows that.

Zuko looked, puzzled. at his uncle as the girl stormed off. Iroh shrugged.

"You'll still have to share a tent with her," Iroh told him, then returned to drinking tea.

"What? Why?" Zuko asked.

Iroh did not reply, as there was no good answer to that question.

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The end of chapter one! It wasn't as good as I would have liked it to be, but there it is. If you liked it, hated it, or have any ideas of other things to include, review! 


	2. Chapter 2

Iroh was...you'll never guess...making tea! 

He smiled happily, watching dark threads of color rise from the leaves, smelling the wonderful scent. His entire mind and thoughts occupied by the tea, he failed to notice that Zuko and the Princess were trying to kill each other.

The fight was going something like this...

Zuko shot a fireblast at her.

She, using her beastbending, turned into a wolf and leaped for his throat.

Zuko swung his broadswords.

She used her metalbending to direct them away from her.

Zuko tried Firebending again.

This time, she used shadowbending to deflect the blow and send Zuko reeling backwards.

Isn't this amazing? This girl has raped Teen Titans, X-Men, and Naruto all in one fight.

Finally, they broke all rules of physics and gravity and motion so that they landed right on top of each other, their mouths centimeters apart. Time seemed to slow down, and they realized they were madly in love.

So what did Zuko do? He made out with her, of course!

Then they said many cheesy lines to each other and confessed their love.

'Now,' said the Princess after a second kiss, 'I will tell you about my past, as I trust you. You see...' she wiped away a tear...'I was the last of the beastbenders, shadowbenders, and metalbenders. My entire family was killed by the vile Fire Nation.'

Zuko hugged her. 'I'm so sorry.' he said comfortingly. 'But now...you have me!' And he grinned.

They made out again.

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The Boomeraang Squad also happened to be conviently nearby in the expertly placed forest.

Sokka was stuffing his face with meat. It dripped down his face, staining his clothes, but he was too happy with his meat to notice. Katara was screaming over some random thing, water-whipping Sokka repeatedly. Despite Katara's nagging, he still sat there peacefully, dreaming of Suki and Yue and all the other girls that have fallen for him all over the world. Aang was making daisy chains and braiding Appa's fur, singing to himself the whole time. Toph sat like a stone in her ever-present earthtent.

In other words, they were their usual selves.

Suddenly, Zuko appeared out of nowhere. With him was a gaunt I mean slender girl.

'ZUKO!' Frothing at the mouth, Sokka threw his boomerang at him. Zuko ducked and it wheeled harmlessly over his head before returning back to its owner.

Zuko held up his hands in a peaceful gesture. 'Listen.' he announced. 'I have something to tell you all. Something important. Ahem.'

He cleared his throat and began. 'I have decided to turn against my father and nation, and train Aang in firebending.'

Everyone gasped. Zuko continued to explain. 'You see, I have found true love, and realized that the Fire Nation is evil. I wish to join you and help defeat my father.'

They all stared at him for a moment. 'Cool!' Aang shouted gleefully. 'We accept you and trust you instantly!'

Katara stared blankly at the girl. 'Is this your true love?'

Zuko nodded and hugged her.

'NO!' The bipolar Katara screeched. 'You filthy little whore! Back away from Zuko!' With this, she dove for the Princess's throat, because she was insanely jealous. You see, Katara has been secretly harbouring a crush for Zuko, and she was greatly angered to see Zuko had a girlfriend.

The Princess used her amazing martial arts skills to beat up Katara, who lay weeping on the ground.

But no one cared or tried to help her. They were all quite taken with the gorgeous princess.

'Your hair is so beautiful!' gushed Toph, despite that she could not see it.

Sokka was instantly smitten. 'You are a very gorgeous person. And talented.'

The Princess grinned. 'You're cute, too,' she replied, obviously under the power of the universal Water Tribe sex appeal that gets Sokka and Katara lovers everywhere they go.

Zuko glared jealously at them. 'Princess, do you love me or the peasant?'

The Princess gasped, cliffhanger music played, it was exactly like a soap opera. 'Zuko, you know I love you!' To emphasize, she kissed him.

Sokka sighed sadly, wondering how the Princess could not love him. Poor Sokka. He needs a Mary Sue. Perhaps Aang's long lost but suprisingly unaged sister.

'So, you will be my firebending teacher then?' Aang asked.

'Yes, and together we shall defeat the evil Fire Lord and I shall claim my throne.' Zuko declared, for he had immediately decided to turn against his father.

The Gaang, including Zuko and the luuurrvve of his life, were bestest friends for life immediately. The incredibly in character Toph even began going to the Princess in tears for advice on her love life. (Yep, Toph's got a love life.) Everyone was extremely happy and had tea parties with Iroh every day.

Eventually, they defeated Ozai, but not without the help of the amazing Princess, because Aang proved to be an incompetent Avatar.

Zuko married the princess, while the rest of the Gaang found Mary Sues and Gary Stus to marry, and they all lived happily ever after.

THE END.

(And a collective sigh of relief echoed throughout the fandom.)


	3. Epilogue: More Sues and Stus to love!

(dedicated to Never Was and Never Will Be. This chapter wouldn't be up if it wasn't for them) 

Haha...I just love the Sues and Stu's names. Now, readers, be prepared to stab yourselves to death. Or someone else.

The darkbending is something I actually found in a Suefic that featured a pod!Jet.

Chapter 3 - the Epilogue - More Sues and Stus to Love!

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The Boomeraang Squad, along with Zuko, the Princess, and Iroh, flew away into the sunset. Evidently, they just left Zuko's magically restored ship and crew behind. Now they would travel through the extremely well-placed, highly flammable forest, the perfect place to learn firebending. No matter if the trees all caught on fire.

Iroh sighed and drank his plothole tea. It was so heavenly, beautiful, delicious...he inhaled the fragrant steam and sighed once more with pleasure. Then he noticed Toph, walking besides him. 'Would you like some tea, my dear?' he asked, handing her a steaming cup that either came from a plot hole or his sleeves.

The blind girl eagerly took a cup. 'Thank you Iroh!' she said with a grin and sipped it. Immediately a delighted expression claimed her normally stoic features. Never had she even dreamed something could be so mangificen! ''OMG its soooo good!' she cried with joy.

She downed the cup like a shot and held out her cup, which was promptly refilled by a beaming Iroh.

Suddenly, they suddenly saw a brilliant flash of light in the forest below. 'Wow! I see a light!' cried Toph. (Never mind the trivial fact that she is blind)

'Let's go check it out!' said Aang happily and they flew down.

In the forest was...liek omg you will SOOO never guess...

A girl! ZOMFG!!!11!!oneelevenoneone!!!1

Now, before all else, as these details are all crucial to the plot, let me give you an in depth description of her every curve.

She had long crimson hair with two ebony streaks, 2 inch long bangs with 3 inch long strands on either side hanging into her brilliant lavender eyes that sparkled and shined like twinkling magic super-uber stars, gorgeous pale, lovely, dewy, skin, sexy curves, and she wore a light yellow striped wtih orange tank top that showed her amazingly toned abs, dark blue jeans tucked into white combat boots, and a red cloak over all. She wore dark green armbands, thus making her outfit every color of the Four Nations. Everyone instantly loved her fashion sense and of course they all recognized her attire, quite common to the Avatarverse.

Aang gasped girlishly and flew to wrap her in a hug. 'Yuri!' he cried. 'My long lost sister!' And he wrapped her in a hug.

'Liek OMG Aang!' she gushed, patting him on the head. 'OMG You are suprisingly unaged despite the fact that I have been frozen in an iceberg for the past 100 years in an accident eerily similar to yours!!!!11!!' Her voice was lovely as the gushing waterfalls in the starlight and everyone (except for Zuko, who was happily making out with his Princess) melted at the sound. Yes, even Toph.

Iroh even looked up from his tea to see the lovely Sue. 'Why! You are beautiful! You must rape my nephew Zuko!' he gasped.

'So are you! ' said Aang in response to his sister's comment about his age. Actually, Yuri looked about 15, just the right age to have hawt smex with Sokka. What fun.

Then she introduced herself to the rest of the Boomeraang. 'I am Yuri,' she declared dramaticaly. 'I am Aang's long lost sister, and the second Avatar. I taught Aang everything he knows. At the Air Temple I was often ostracized, as everyone was just 2 jealous they werent as supah speshul as me. During the genocide of the Air Nomads, I managed to escape and freeze myself into an ice bubble using my M4D 1337 waterbending and airbending skillz!!!11' Then she burst into tears, for she had such a tragic past, and everyone, especially Sokka, flew to comfort her. Sokka had forgotten all about that Sueish Princess moon girl and the whore with too much makeup.

The Princess was insanely jealous, How dare someone else with M4D 1337 SK1LLZ come to challenge her? But, never mind, she was sure this girl could not beastbend and shadowbend and metalbend.

'I have come to assist my entirely incompetent brother' said Yuri, who obviously did not know that her name meant 'lesbianism'.

'Good,' said Sokka. 'Aang is very incompetent.' He grinned sexily at the suprisingly unaged and heterosexual girl and put his arm about her shoulders. She gave him a brilliant smile, showing off perfectly shining whilte pearly teeth.

'Oh,' sighed Aang in a way that just fit his character to a tee. 'How glad I am to have my older sister to assist me with her loving words of wisdom!'

Katara smiled sweetly at Aang's sister. 'You seem like such a nice girl. Will you be my bestest friend forever?'

Zuko stared at Yuri. She was hot! For a moment he began to forget the perfect sparkley being at his side. Then the Princess nudged him sharply in the ribs. 'Oh, yes, my sweet,' he said nervously and made out with her even more.

Suddenly, a boy walked out of the forest. He was amazingly buff, he looked strong enough to pick up Appa. He wore no shirt, the better to show off his superb shape. He was also extremely sexy with dark brown hair and light green eyes. Katara began to fawn over him immediately.

'Hey,' he said, striking a male model-like pose. 'My names Bob, which is just about as Asian-sounding a name as there can be. I'm a ninja, and I live in the forest with my family and my sensei.' He shook hands with Aang, Sokka, and Zuko. They all could immediately tell that he was the kindest, bravest, most caring, sexiest, buffest, all-around coolest guy ever. He would have shaken hands with Iroh and Toph but the old man and little girl were staring at the tea with a reverent gaze and muttering what seemed to be a prayer to it. Then he winked sexily at Katara. 'What's shakin', cutie?'

Katara clapsed her hands and blushed. 'Heeeeey smexy,' she said seductively and running a hand over his tanned chest. 'Wanna make out?'

'Would I!' So, they made out.

Aang sighed, and in a parallel universe the author smacked her forehead. She had no Sue for Aang! Oh no! Never mind, all she had to do was copy and paste from a Sockpuppet friend's fic; all that was needed was to switch a few words and add some psychic abilities.

Back in Avatarland, there was a burst of glitter and a gorgeous 12 year old girl stood there. (OMG RANDOM A/N DESIGNED TO PISS YOU OFF- She has long blondish pinkish reddish blackish hair hair it reaches to the floor but she has it put back into a ponytail with a black headband like what Naruto wears but I'm just a stupid Suethor with no respect for canon so I didn't even bother to find out the name. There are 4 strands of hair hanging out 3 over her left eye which is pink and 1 over her right eye that is turquoise. Also she has white highlights in her hair. She is wearing a long pinkish greyish robe with silver and light blue and white timmings and a black sash. She has M4D 1337 psychic abilities and can also fly faster than Danny Phantom and darkbend. She has the smexiest curves ever and is so skinny Katara goes into fits of depression and has an eating disorder out of pure jealousy With her is her pet unicorn lion named Yoshino it has reddish brown fur and a rainbow horn and it can howl at the moon but it can also turn into a red dragon that she can fly on. 0M9 15NT 5H3 4W350M3????!!!!!111!!one!!!11 .)

'OMG AANG YOU R THE AVATOR!!!111!!!'1!' squealed the girl, because all Mary Sues I mean lovely little OC's know his name. 'Liek my naem is Azalu-Zukozu-Sokki-Atara-chan-kun! Ima darkbender' - she opened her hand to reveal a black/lavender/white swirling/pink marble - 'n im heer to asist u in saving teh wordl cuz God noez u sure as hell cant do it urself!11!'

'Hey Azalu-Zukozu-Sokki-Atara-chan-kun,' grinned Aang. 'I instantly trust you with my life and would most definitely take a bullet for you.'

'What's a bullet?' asked Sokka, breaking away from his makeout session with Yuri.

Aang shrugged. 'I don't know, but you should know that I tend to make off-hand comments about things that do not exist in our universe.'

Sokka nodded. 'Oh riiiittteee...' and then went deeper into the trees to have hawt smex with Yuri.

Finally Toph said something. 'Geez Sokka u r so stupid! Stop asking such dumb questions!' Now that she had made some random comment, no one cared about her anymore and she left, doubtlessly to go and worship tea with Iroh.

Then a Kitsune fox demon (whee! More Naruto rape!) came and took Azalu-Zukozu-Sokki-Atara-chan-kun and ran away with her screaming 'Haha loser'

Yep.

I am the master of suprisingly unexpected twists.

So Aang finally realized he was madly in love with her and what he felt for Katara was only a stupid passing crush. 'I WILL SAVE YOU!' he shouted and took down the fox demon with a...

blast of air.

Without using any of its chakra, the fox demon screamed and died and went away forever, never to molest the Avatarverse again.

That was a good fight scene, no?

But then more fox demons came from everywhere. 'Oh shit what will we do,' gasped Katara clutching Bob rather than take out her water and get ready to fight like she normally would. But then again, she can't help it. The Sparkleypoo is getting to her head. In fact, every canon character was acting like her, aside from Toph an Iroh bowing at their newly constructed tea-shrine.

Luckily, with their amazing Sparkleypoo powers, Yuri and Bob and Azalu-Zukozu-Sokki-Atara-chan-kun SAVED the helpless, poor canon characters in the most fantastic display of 1337 bending skills you have ever seen.

Then they all had hawt smex and and Zuko and the Princess had 7 beast/metal/shadow/fire bending children and Sokka and Yuri had 12 earth/fire/water/airbending kids and Aang and Azalu-Zukozu-Sokki-Atara-chan-kun had 5 psychic/Avatar/darkbending kids and Katara and Bob had 8 super-uber waterbending ninja kids.

Everyone saved the world from the results of fandom-raping such as mutants on the loose and multiple species of demons, ghosts, and the Fire Nation.

Meanwhile, Toph and Iroh traveled the world, erecting shrines, establishing temples, and schooling others in the principles of their new religion of Teaism.

And they all lived happily ever after in the happy magic sunshine fluffy land of some Suethors sick and twisted brain.

THE END!!!11!!!one!

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A/N (for those of you that survived) In case you're wondering, I was watching a bit too much Naruto when I wrote this. (I love Gaara!)

So yeah. Review.


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